James : Rants

Things I, as an educated subject of Her Majesty am tired of in 2008:

• The Weather
• Generic acts of autocratical tyranny
• The fact that the Starbucks ‘bar and grille’ in Fulham Palace road fails to purchase enough croissants every single day – a croissant is probably 8p wholesale (I don’t know I’m not a corporate buyer) but they sell them for £29.99 so if they bought a box of 500 and threw most of them against the WALL they would STILL make a profit – but no, they are INCOMPETENT and buy only FOUR per day which means the smug women comparing the size of their babies every morning get through all four of them before I’m even there (you know who you are, yes you called your child Oswold, well done, very middle-class etc) and hence I have to eat a DISGUSTING piece of ‘granola bar’ CRAP which makes me almost violently sick
• The JCR which fails for a similar reason to Starbucks ‘bar and grille’ because if you fail to take your lunch before the quality-food cutoff at 12.05pm every day after which they have sold ALL food worthy of consumption by a mammal then the entire selection is some ABOMINABLE ‘Full of Beans’ POO which isn’t even a flavour of sandwich and a ‘Cheese Feast’ which is unspeakably foul, who the hell would have a cheese feast anyway that’s not even a thing, and the only thing left is one small red sliver of dying dragon’s tongue that they have the effrontery to call pizza and which you wouldnt eat unless it was your desire to wake up enslaved by a parasitic stomach worm unable to tell the difference between soft brown earth and the delicious lining of your abdomen.
• Middle-class people, who when buying their skinny mocha-frappa sugar-free static void synchronized latte with a vanilla shot and a pink decorative umbrella insist upon it being ‘Fairtrade’ and hence their entire obligation to the third world is complete and they can have a loud and smug conversation about how good their farts smell that everyone has to listen and drive their series of World War II tanks home smug in the knowledge that they are perfect citizens.
• Pedestrian crossings
• Blunt razor blades

… but the MOST irritating thing in the whole world, even more irritating than the worthy contenders above is:

This entry was posted on Monday, June 16th, 2008 at 3:21 pm and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.