James : Rants

The *most* irritating thing, possibly in the whole world, is the following error:

It occurs immediately after you select some icons and right-click in Windows XP. Normally you know exactly where on the screen you are about to move the mouse to (in this case it was delete, which is about 2 table-inches down) – and you are interrupted. What the hell is the Potential Security Risk clicking on some files? And, actually, how dare it presume that I was unaware of it?
In my opinion this is just the sort of alarmist attitude that lead to the Germaine Greer. What does it know that I don’t? Unspecified by whom?

If you are from Microsoft and would like to apologise for these programmatic outbursts, or specific which security risk I am in danger of, please email me:

:: james at jgubby.com

I would like to introduce a new design of Underground locomotive, the Jams-O-Motive.

Many observant readers will have observed that Underground tube lines have a large cavity underneath the rails. As can be seen from this photograph of a Dock-Lands station, there is considerable space between the top track and the bed:

I realised this evening whilst travelling home that this could be used by people wishing to cower from the might of an oncoming train.

If, for example, a young boy were to fall into the path of an oncoming train, currently he would be offered a safe haven, as shown in this plan view:

To attempt to combat this problem I have added a series of randomly placed spoons to the undercarriage of the existing design. With the addition of what I call the Jams-O-Motive spoon underhangs, this situation is elegantly avoided:

The more astute amongst you may have already wondered: “What if the line ends up over-ground, where there are no cavities? Surely then the under-hung spoons would all break off, or worse, dig into the carefully laid gravel?”

This is of course correct! To prevent this from presenting a problem, the spoon mechanism could be modified as follows:

If you are from Transport For London please get in touch with me to discuss pricing:

:: james at jgubby.com